First, let me start by saying that I just read Julie and April’s posts about how we all met and I should just tell you that it’s all true, but they left out a LOT of details. I’m a details kind of girl, just ask April who doesn’t remember what happened 5 minutes ago. But, for the sake of a “short” blog, I won’t go into those details. I will tell you that you should be jealous of these friendships though, because we are kind of awesome. The kind of awesome that needs its own Lifetime movie. What are you waiting for Lifetime? Make a movie about us already.
Did anybody notice we are Christians? Uh-oh. Don’t worry, we’re not whack-a-doodles who handle snakes and drink kool-aid with special night-night pills inside. But I would say we are card-carrying lovers of Jesus. And that’s all the preaching I will do. I just mention the Christian part because, well, just like all people…we still have our issues. And sometimes, people want to relate those issues with the fact that we’re crazy Christians. When in fact, we’re just plain crazy. For example: let’s say some of us have more than 2 children. Like I don’t know, me. And let’s say that you’re in a grocery store with 3 children and you’re pregnant with your 4th and people feel the need to explain to you that you have too many children and what you should do about it. Here are some things you might hear:
“Do you know what causes that?”
“Wow, you’ve got your hands full!”
“All girls? I hope you’re having a boy this time!”
“You’re done after this one, right?”
Let me assure you that I have answers for all of these questions, and almost none of them have anything to do with Jesus. I am not Michelle Duggar, nor do I want to be (God bless her ovaries). And my husband and I are not trying to “be fruitful and mulitply” or start an Army for God. We are normal people. I don’t know when this world started hating kids, or thinking that there was something wrong with the people who had more than 2.1 children, but it is HELLA annoying when people assume you are retarded, or that you are a nut job with a Bible, and need education on how to NOT have any more kids. I’m sorry, did I ask you? Do I know what causes that? Sure. Do you know what causes this bag of frozen peas to land upside your head? Yeah, it’s cause and effect. I love my husband, he’s kind of hot and we have a pretty friendly disposition towards each other when it comes to the bedroom. Sometimes that equals: babies. You are stupid and rude and sometimes that equals: you getting hurt by frozen peas. See how that works? I’ve got my hands full? Duh. Thanks for noticing, Captain Obvious. You hope I’m having a boy this time? Wow, I didn’t know we were living in China. Hey, and thanks for saying that in front of my daughters. I don’t want them thinking they’re special in any way.
Here’s my point: I’m tired of stupid people. And not just the stupid people at the grocery store either. I’m looking at you Katy Perry with your stupid song about Last Friday Night. Two words for you: sell out. Seriously, I wonder how you sleep at night peddling your crap-lyrics to girls across the nation. And Lady GaGa who is about as originial as Milli Vanilli. Way to use sex appeal like you’re the first person to think of it. You are not as cool as you think you are! Okay, okay, now I’m just being mean. Don’t take me too seriously though, unless of course you trust the opinion of a woman who voted for Sanjaya on American Idol. (I stand by those votes…he had a freaking pony-hawk, people! A pony-hawk!)
But you get it, right? Get what, you say? Good question. God bless us, one and all. Especially the one’s who need frozen peas upside their precious heads.